Life is so confusing right now. Trying to rid yourself of the negative forces takes much more work than I had anticipated. You will have set backs, you will do things you know you are not supposed to do. I guess in this whole thing I have to teach myself how to have some self control and be the person I know I should become and desperately need to become.
It is so hard to say all this because honestly I do not want to grow up and do the right thing. I want to live every moment in the moment and as if I do not really understand what is happening. I had a momentary set back yesterday and now I am even more confused than I was before. I knew better than to stop by and talk to him or see him or even really think of him.
What was I thinking to get myself wrapped up in all this?!
I was warned that this is the way it would turn out!
Why didn't I listen?
Why must I always fall in love with the men who are unable to give the things that are the most needed?
